[Hidden-tech] safe surfing tips

[Shel Horowitz]

At 4:52 PM -0500 11/9/09, Maria Korolov (Trombly) wrote:
>    ** Be sure to fill out the survey/skills inventory in the member's area.
>    ** If you did, we all thank you.
>
>Keep in mind that a lot of the scaremongering is way overblown.
>
>Most kids are hurt by relatives or other people close to them. Most 
>rapes of children are statutory -- cases where the boyfriend is only 
>slightly older than the victim, and the relationship is otherwise 
>consensual.

Yes, this is true. And the next largest category is abuse by family 
members/family friends where it is not consenual, but far from a 
stranger.

>
>Cases of stranger rape are tiny --

But not unknown. I was raped by a stranger when I was about 11--yes, 
it happens to boys too, sometimes. It happened when I was bringing 
back groceries from a supermarket about two blocks form my house, 
broad daylight. I was also beaten up a few times, threatened more 
often, shaken down for money numerous times--but these were by my 
peers, not adults. My mom knew about some of the shakedowns but not 
the rape. She offered to sign me up for a self-defense class. I 
declined

>  and cases where the initial contact is made over the internet are 
>smaller still.
>
>Most arrests of criminals happen because of law enforcement officers 
>posing as children actively seeking contact. For example, in chat 
>rooms devoted to sex, where the officer makes provocative comments 
>designed to draw attention -- not by harmless Facebook posts. In 
>real life, this is equivalent to going out to a truck stop in the 
>middle of the night in fishnet stockings. Which some teenagers do, 
>in fact, do.

Are you saying that most kid-sex arrests are made through entrapment?

At 5:22 PM -0500 11/9/09, Chris Hoogendyk wrote:
>  > I'm of two minds about this. On the other hand, I feel that today's
>>  kids are total wimps. I led a MUCH more dangerous life when I was
>>  their age. On the other hand, my kids are much, much safe than I and
>>  my brothers were.
>
>I would agree, perhaps on both counts. We hear a lot more about bad news
>items, because bad news travels so far and fast. I wonder if all that
>stuff went on when I was a kid, and we just didn't hear about it. Maybe
>we're getting freaked out about 1 in a million odds, while accepting
>more probable risks because they aren't so freaky and don't get the news
>coverage. Not to say we shouldn't take intelligent precautions. We should.

Yes, see above. Bad things happened regularly, but were much less 
talked about. There was tremendous shame. I'm sure my parents would 
have been extremely supportive if I had told them what happened to 
me, but I never had the courage. On some level, I just knew that 
there would be enormous social stigma, and that this was something 
that wasn't supposed to happen to boys. I felt too dirty and ashamed 
to talk about it to *anyone* for about five years--and then it was a 
peer I trusted.

>
>I always took the approach (with regard to the internet) of trying to
>inform my children so that they could look out for themselves.

Yes, we took a similar approach.

>My
>daughter's were playing at the keyboard when they were 2. I don't recall
>how old they were when they had their own AOL accounts. I'm guessing
>middle elementary school. They always had aliases and always knew never
>to give out any personal information that could be used to identify or
>locate them. My younger daughter's best friend is someone she met in the
>Harry Potter fan fiction forums (they were both author/editors and one
>was a moderator). They only knew each other by aliases for several
>years. Eventually, they gradually let their guards down, started to
>video chat, and became even closer. Sometime during high school, they
>had a movie slumber party where they each queued up the same movie on
>their laptops, put their chat sessions into voice only mode, and clicked
>the movie at the same instant. So they were watching the movie together
>and occasionally talking and giggling. Early college age, they had a
>smores party -- video chat with candles on their desks and toasting
>marshmallows on toothpicks (the friend had never had smores before).
>Finally, last summer, my daughter, now 21, flew out to Illinois to visit
>her. Their whole family knew my daughter by her alias and couldn't
>change their habit of referring to her by that.

What a great story, Chris!

>
>I think if a child is *too* protected, then they might not be prepared
>to fend for themselves when they need to.

That is so, so true! I really worry about all these overprotected 
kids and what kind of survival skills they can possibly have built 
up. We have even let our kids (when together, not alone) explore 
foreign cities, and they've been fine.

>I don't mean down the road,
>when they are on their own; but, in the near term when they run into a
>threatening situation. That said, I have always tried to look out for
>them as well, while at the same time letting them look out for
>themselves -- in other words, keeping an eye out while they make
>informed decisions on their own.

An excellent policy.

>I still have trouble not staying up
>when my younger daughter is out late, even though she may be just
>babysitting my granddaughter; but, I'm also confident that she can take
>care of herself about as well as any young woman. I think she is a lot
>more informed than I was at her age, even though I was married and on my
>own.

My wife is the same way--but she mostly worries about car accidents. 
We've inculcated our kids with the importance of staying in 
communication. If they're going to be late, they call. And if the 
person driving them starts drinking, they know they can call us and 
get a non-judgmental ride.--and so do we. My daughter's now been 
driving three years, and my son has his permit. THAT has been scary a 
few times.
-- 

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