[Hidden-tech] * * * Seeking advice re: visiting a dying loved one in nursing home * * *

Deborah Chandler debchandler411 at gmail.com
Tue May 19 00:48:25 UTC 2020

Hi folks,

I am writing in hopes that someone here is (unfortunately) dealing with a
similar situation, or has knowledge that can change the course of events

A friend’s 94 year old mom is in a nursing home in Shelton, CT, and she is
dying. She is down to 71 pounds and isn't eating. Due to the Covid-19
situation, my friend is getting a runaround regarding being able to see her
mom, either in the same room or through the window, as they have been
allowing some people to do. Her mom has dementia and is having anxiety
about not being able to see her daughter, too.

These last several days have been filled with many many phone calls, emails
and texts, where widely varying information is being given to my friend as
to her mom's health status. Sometimes the staff is saying that her mom is
doing much better, and she is not “actively dying” (their term, not mine),
and then 12 hours later, they flip the story. Hospice is also involved and
they are also not providing full information. My friend just wants
their permission to go visit her mom asap; it could be her last time.

If anyone has suggestions towards this situation, please write me either
on- or off-list. (I admit, if it were me, I would be driving the 2 1/2
hours to confront the staff directly, but my friend has a different way of
doing things, and I told her I would reach out to others for knowledge and

There is no money for a lawyer if that is a suggestion. :-(

Thanks very much,

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