[Hidden-tech] safe surfing tips

[Chris Hoogendyk]

Maria Korolov (Trombly) wrote:
> I've got the opposite problem with my kids. They're steadily training 
> me to be technically incompetent. I'm having trouble turning on the 
> TV, even, with all the stuff they've got connected to it.
>
> I've given up trying to monitor their computer use (except in terms of 
> the amount of time they spend online). To start with, my daughter runs 
> Linux on her laptop. I don't even know how to use Linux. In fact, she 
> does all the tech support for the household. If I were to install any 
> kind of monitoring program -- first, she would be the one I would ask 
> to install it. Second, she would laugh in my face. Third, she'd humor 
> me, then disable it the minute I looked away.

Cool. Almost all my children have been geeky. My youngest son just 
turned 30 and is a mid level manager at National Instrument Corporation. 
He was the Linux hacker in his teens. But, I think my granddaughter is 
going to show them all up. She just turned 2 on August 30. My son showed 
me a video of her picking up her mother's iPhone, turning it on, 
flicking a couple of controls, launching the picture viewer, and 
flicking through pictures, talking about who they were. He said he was 
behind the technology curve for her. She was reaching out at his iMac 
screen, trying to flick it -- "What? It's not a touch screen? What's up 
with that, Dad?"

> However, since I'm the one who has to drive both of them anywhere, 
> it's very unlikely that they'll make a date with strangers without me 
> knowing about it.
>
> In fact, they're both too young to even ride their bikes on main 
> streets. So I'm safe for a little while. :-)
>
> Now, when *I* was their age, I rode my bike everywhere, or took public 
> transport, and my parents never had a clue where I was. As long as I 
> was home for dinner, they were happy. They didn't know about any of 
> the trouble I got into. Ha ha ha.
>
> I'm of two minds about this. On the other hand, I feel that today's 
> kids are total wimps. I led a MUCH more dangerous life when I was 
> their age. On the other hand, my kids are much, much safe than I and 
> my brothers were.

I would agree, perhaps on both counts. We hear a lot more about bad news 
items, because bad news travels so far and fast. I wonder if all that 
stuff went on when I was a kid, and we just didn't hear about it. Maybe 
we're getting freaked out about 1 in a million odds, while accepting 
more probable risks because they aren't so freaky and don't get the news 
coverage. Not to say we shouldn't take intelligent precautions. We should.

I always took the approach (with regard to the internet) of trying to 
inform my children so that they could look out for themselves. My 
daughter's were playing at the keyboard when they were 2. I don't recall 
how old they were when they had their own AOL accounts. I'm guessing 
middle elementary school. They always had aliases and always knew never 
to give out any personal information that could be used to identify or 
locate them. My younger daughter's best friend is someone she met in the 
Harry Potter fan fiction forums (they were both author/editors and one 
was a moderator). They only knew each other by aliases for several 
years. Eventually, they gradually let their guards down, started to 
video chat, and became even closer. Sometime during high school, they 
had a movie slumber party where they each queued up the same movie on 
their laptops, put their chat sessions into voice only mode, and clicked 
the movie at the same instant. So they were watching the movie together 
and occasionally talking and giggling. Early college age, they had a 
smores party -- video chat with candles on their desks and toasting 
marshmallows on toothpicks (the friend had never had smores before). 
Finally, last summer, my daughter, now 21, flew out to Illinois to visit 
her. Their whole family knew my daughter by her alias and couldn't 
change their habit of referring to her by that.

I think if a child is *too* protected, then they might not be prepared 
to fend for themselves when they need to. I don't mean down the road, 
when they are on their own; but, in the near term when they run into a 
threatening situation. That said, I have always tried to look out for 
them as well, while at the same time letting them look out for 
themselves -- in other words, keeping an eye out while they make 
informed decisions on their own. I still have trouble not staying up 
when my younger daughter is out late, even though she may be just 
babysitting my granddaughter; but, I'm also confident that she can take 
care of herself about as well as any young woman. I think she is a lot 
more informed than I was at her age, even though I was married and on my 
own.


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Chris Hoogendyk

-
   O__  ---- Systems Administrator
  c/ /'_ --- Biology & Geology Departments
 (*) \(*) -- 140 Morrill Science Center
~~~~~~~~~~ - University of Massachusetts, Amherst 

<hoogendyk at bio.umass.edu>

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Erdös 4